College

I'm really getting impatient with financial aid. It's hard to do the back-to-school shopping thing without some dough, but they inevitably wait til after school has started to send the check. Last year it didn't come until October, so maybe I should just hope it will be here in time for Christmas.

Get a job, you say? Well, I had one. A good one. After five years of working at this job, I decided it was time to focus on my EIGHTH and final year of college. At one time, I was balancing four jobs and a full-time schedule of classes, so I feel I deserve this little "break." Plus, I can't manipulate my schedule anymore for the classes I need, and they're so erraticly separated this semester that I can't imagine anyone finding me employable. Correction: Anyone that's going to pay more than $6 an hour. Can't live on that, and with gas being a whopping $2.55/gallon, it would be pointless.

I've always loved college life, even though I'm a nontraditional commuting student. My intentions were to go far away and party it up at a large university. Then reality slapped me in the face after graduation, (as did my father) and next thing I knew I had no car, no home, and no cash. I had worked two jobs through most of my high school career while maintaining a B+ GPA in the "college prep" classes, so it wasn't like I was lazy or intending to mooch off of papa forever. Quite the contrary, I always anticipated a life of independence. (Was I wrong to expect a parental boost to get me on my feet?) It wasn't easy trying to save money, though, when daddy demanded I pay for my own essentials (i.e. car, gas, toiletries, textbook rental, food, senior pics, soccer camp, fieldtrips, Christmas gifts). I try not to be ambivalent toward him, but supporting his women has always taken precedence over fathering his daughter. In fact, he decided to build a new home my senior year of high school.

But I'm digressing. The point here is, my dream has always been to further my education, and here I am at the end of a successful college career that I made come true. It's frightening and depressing, too, though I am ecstatic to find out where I'll end up. I will have four degrees next spring: English, Criminal Justice, Organizational Leadership and Supervision, and Gender Studies. What do I want to do with all that? Well, I have plans, but I'll mention them later.

A high school Biology teacher once called me an "asshole" and told me that I would "never make it" in college, but what did that bastard know? I was third in my class--president, even--until I moved to the "big" school that swallowed me up and spat me out to the so-called real world in 1998. Socially, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, but academically, well...you know how political it can be. I wasn't destined to be a genius and I admit I had a lot of external responsibilities that distracted me from focusing 100% on school. But I did care and sought help when I needed it. But the scary thing is, how many kids out there do care that much, yet don't get the attention and help to succeed?

The public school system disturbs me.