A 24-Hour Chronology: Alas, Help--Part One.

Weds. Nov. 2, 2005

3:45 pm: Husband comes home from work. Trying to start Jeep to meet my cousin at the local library for his tutoring session. Battery dead.

4:15pm: Running late, but husband finally gets Jeep started for me.

4:32pm: Pull in driveway. Cousin is on a sugar high, refusing to wear shoes. I'm getting pissy and then I realize it's his 11th birthday today, so I relax. (It's his party he can go shoeless if he wants to.)

4:52pm: Arrive at library for our weekly session. Drop off a way-late book on the way to "our place." Cousin talks about haunted houses for a solid five minutes before I finally interject with, "We really need to stay on task."

5:03pm: Leave cousin in the auditorium while I go pee. Twelve minutes later, I return. He's still on the same math problem and still eager to talk about his encounter with Chucky and the Headless Horseman.

5:37pm: Cousin finishes reading final sentence on the worksheet I gave him. Exit library.

5:47pm: Running late for church, but I see Aunt S. is coming out with a bag of sugar cookies. We become engaged in a deep conversation about my mother.

6:12pm: Sudden realization I was supposed to pick up Steve for church at 6pm. Exit aunt and uncle's house. Fly home.

6:21pm: Arrive home. My kid greets me at the door on his own post-Halloween sugar high, sees cookies in my hand, and demands one. Toss the rest to husband and usher both of them out the door. We are sooo late.

6:34pm: Arrive at church. Drop Clayton off in nursery. Steve heads to his class and I go to my classroom with the little tykes. Luckily, it's not my day to teach, so I sit back and listen to the lesson.

7:07pm: Lesson over. Kids play in sand box as the three of us instructors/helpers socialize. I discover one of my cousins, whom I was very close to at one time, was in a wreck at the beginning of summer and is now in a mobility scooter because of her Multiple Sclerosis. Somehow, the topic shifts and I find myself engaged in yet another conversation about my mother, even though these people don't know who she is.

7:32pm: Clean up, go get Clayton out of nursery, run into a new friend who asks for my e-mail so she can send me information on a new job position I am highly interested in. Depart church after reuniting with Steve in the foyer.

7:59pm: Arrive home. Check messages and caller ID. I see father has called; Aunt J. has left a message.

**IT'S GONNA BE A LONG NIGHT**

8:08pm: Return father's call. Panic because his voice sounds odd and he urgently asks if I'm going to be out later. (I just have a FEELING something has happened.) Then relax as he tells me he just wants me to pick up some pineapple upside down cupcakes his live-in (they're "just friends") has made for me. I assure him that, even though I'm too tired to get out, Clayton and I will be by tomorrow sometime to get them while they're fresh.

8:12pm: Return Aunt J.s call because I have a feeling something is wrong. Speak with Uncle J. on his cell phone; he informs me my mother has threatened suicide again. He tells me to call Aunt J. on her cell because she's now at Aunt S.'s.

8:16pm: Call Aunt J. She tells me entire story in which she had visited my mother earlier and she tried to "make arrangements" for her suicide. She saw an alcoholic neighbor be carried out of her home by the police and is paranoid that she is next. She has lived in a state of fear and paranoia for the last few years, insisting the government/police are out to get her for no logical reason. I tell Aunt J. we must do something this time and agree to meet her at Aunt S.'s in 15 minutes.

8:47pm: Arrive at Aunt S.s. The three of us discuss what we can do for my mother (their sister) but realize we've tried it all before. I get the idea to call my family doctor since mother's family doctor went out of business in December.

9:00pm: Doctor G. returns my call. Tells me to call the local Comprehensive Mental Services Dept. Emergency line. I tell her I've done that before and they don't return my calls. She tells me to just keep on calling until someone listens, wishes me luck, hangs up.

9:10pm: Call the CMHS line. Get a lady in another county who takes my information and says someone will call back. We sit and stare at the phone, wondering, until...

9:14pm: Gruff man calls. Rudely says I should probably call back during business hours. I get shitty at this point, asking him what the f**k we're going to do if something happens in the meantime. He says we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but also suggests I call the police. I want him to go suck a big one, but refrain from sharing my thoughts. (Note: This is the same agency that failed to return my phone calls three different times this summer when my mother had "episodes" and I was trying to get her help.)

9:24pm: We return to our despair. Finally I say that I'm going to the police station, screw this talking on the phone shit. Something is going to get done, and its going to get done TONIGHT. I tell Aunt J. to follow me to the police station. Aunt S., who is in her pajamas, stays behind and tells us to keep her posted.

9:26pm: Aunt J. is flashing her brights at me at the stop sign on 21st and Broad. She runs up to the Jeep and informs me that my mother has called her husband, upset because her neighbor called her and said that someone has put her garage door up and her cats are out. We come up with a new plan: Aunt J. is going to mom's to try to get her out of the house and I am going to the police.

**A Blur From Here On Out**

9:40ish: Arrive at police station, but it appears the doors are locked because it is after-hours. I catch sight of a detective who had been a security officer at the school where I previously worked. I wave like a mad woman, desperate to get his attention. He waves and keeps walking toward the building. I fly into a parking space, hoping to catch him before he disappears beyond the locked doors. I jump out, run up to him as I'm yelling his name across the parking lot, and tell him the story. Thank God he remembers me. He is friendly and interested--a refreshing change from the previous encounters with those whom I've called out for help to. As I'm telling him a run-down of my mother's psychotic episodes and the current suicide threat, two more officers come in. One of them is a cop I had sex with five years ago. He never called me again though he's pulled me over a few times just to stalk...er, I mean, talk.

Circa 10pm: The three men in uniform and I come up with a plan. I inform them that my mother does have a gun in her home, and they seem to freak a bit. I become irritated, but they agree to follow me to a dark side street. We park there and walk down the alley to her house. Aunt J. is inside. I turn the knob, success. As I am walking up the stairs with cops in tow, it is quiet. I call out, "Mom?" She doesn't answer, but I hear Aunt J. with her in the living room, telling me to come on up. I stand back, allow cops into the living room. I hear mom scream, demanding that my aunt, "MAKE THEM GO AWAY!" She does not see me because I am still standing around the corner atop the stairs. They attempt to talk to her calmly, but she is wild. They ask if she has a firearm and she says yes, but refuses to tell them where. The detective gives me a signal to indicate that I should go to the other rooms and try to look for it. I quietly step around the corner into her bedroom. There are no lights--I later learn she has taken out all the bulbs because she is paranoid that someone has installed cameras in her light fixtures.

Cops are trying to escort mom out, but she becomes wilder than ever. She picks up the phone (I hear a cop say, "What is that? Oh my gosh!"--guess he mistook the phone for a gun) and calls my grandmother/her mother. She is screaming, "Mom, don't let them take me! They're here!" She curls up in the fetal position and thrusts herself into the corner. I begin to sob as I see them take her to the floor in handcuffs. The detective is telling me to move furniture, but I am walking in circles as she is trying to stuff herself under the couch. I see two pairs of scissors and instinctively hide them in her underwear drawer. While I'm in the drawer looking for the gun, I find a note my ex wrote me ten years ago. I put it in my pocket.

They finally get her outside and I hear someone giving me orders to find her shoes and get her a robe because she's in her pajamas. I am still going in circles, can't find a damn thing because the only light she didn't remove the bulbs from is a touch lamp. My aunt finds her flip flops; I find her a coat. She stands calmly by the police car in handcuffs and I come to her side. I am told that I should probably go in the cop car with her. Aunt J. agrees to stay at her house for the night. The cop I had sex with, (who I'll now refer to as Cop T.) is driving us to the station. I have no desire to be in his cuffs right now, though the thought crosses my mind as he opens my door.

After a quiet ride, we arrive at the police department. Mom asks if I will be with her, and I tell her that of course I'm not leaving her side. We sit in a room with computers, a television (with a L.A. Lakers vs. Denver Nuggets game on), ugly brown paneling, an even uglier 70s lamp, two ugly chairs, and a bunch of "WANTED" posters. I become fascinated with studying them and recognize a girl I worked with at Papa John's and another girl I worked with at Best Western. I make a mental note to be on the look-out for them.

We wait for a psychologist to show up and speak with/listen to mom. I pray she says the right things and does not play the system just so she can be released. Boredom sets in as I am sitting there in awkward silence with my mother cuffed to a chair and Cop T. fixated on the ball game. Finally I ask to borrow the phone to call home. I can't get through because we have a block on anonymous calls after an episode this summer in which an unknown asshole called and threatened to kill me and my family if I didn't meet him. Cop T. is talking on his cell phone, to avoid me, I assume, so I push an outside line myself and call Aunt J. this time. While I'm asking her to call Steve for me, mom tries to escape the handcuffs. The other cop sees her and tightens her cuffs.

Cops come and go as the shift is about to change. They seem to act as though we're not there and I start to feel like a criminal because of their disinterest. They talk amongst each other. I listen to their banter and overhear Cop T. ask which CMHS rep. will be coming in. The other cop drops a name, and Cop T. says, "Oh yeah. She's the one with the big hair?" And the other cop says, "She used to." Cop T. mumbles that she has a fondness for Captain C. At this point, my mother's eyes get HUGE and she smiles at me, mouthing the words, "I've been with him!" I knew she had sex with Captain C. a couple years ago, even though she had worked with and been friends with his wife at one time. I mouth back, "So has half of this town." I think of how ironic it is that she used to help cover for his wife when she cheated on him.

Circa 11pm: After what feels like an eternity, the CMHS rep. arrives to speak with my mother. We are taken to an interview room where the paneling is even more hideous than that in the computer room. Ms. McP. asks questions, mom answers, elaborating on her fears of the police following her everywhere and of people "bugging" her house with wires. She talks about how she has been able to communicate with people through her television and radio and how she is part of a secret reality TV show in which she will win millions of dollars. She talks quite a bit of such nonsense, and then announces that she has had sex with one of the cops (Capt. C) and feels like that he has something to do with them "following" her. When Ms. McP asks her which one, mom smugly says, "The same one you have a thing for." My jaw drops and I have to cover my face with my hands at this point. Ms. McP, who has remained cool up until this point, is equally astonished. Mom reveals that she overheard Cop T. say that Ms. McP had a thing for Capt. C, and she says, "Have you been with him ? It's okay, because his wife cheats on him, too." I want to laugh, but am so embarrassed I can't pull my face away from my hands.

11:59pm: I look at my watch as mom signs papers, willingly accepting to be admitted to the psych ward at B. Hospital for three days.