(Cont'd.)

Okay, before I finish yesterday's post, I HAVE to record something that happened to me earlier that I think might go down in history as one of *the* grossest things I've ever done. I'm still gagging.

My day started early. Unless it's 75 degrees out, my face does not make an appearance until after 9 a.m. But today I had to play the "race-to-the-bank" game, which meant I had to be there by 8 a.m. Afterwards, I dropped off some books at the library and stopped at Speedway for a couple of cherry cokes and juice for junior (who happened to be wide awake at 5 a.m.). Being bored at 8:30 a.m., I decided to drive out to my grandparents' for a visit.

Grandma and grandpa live in the country, in a cornfield to be exact, on a shitty road that has potholes comparable to moon craters. Grandma has a restaurant on her farm; a very nice place, which happens to be where my husband and I got married. She does reservations only, buffet-style meals, usually for big whigs holding political meetings and such.

Not the type of place where you'd expect to find a box of cheese crackers with a 1983 expiration date!!!!

Yes, that's right. Grandma prides herself in stuffing as much food into her guests as possible, regardless of what time of the day it is. So naturally she started rattling off breakfast foods she could fix as soon as we walked in. Since I normally cannot eat breakfast (it makes me ill), I was going to pass. Then I remembered the fact that all we currently have in our refrigerator is half a bag of carrots and two dozen eggs, so I decided to take her up on something to tide us through the day so I could put off the grocery until this evening.

As she was fixing a chunk of sausage and Texas toast, I decided to snoop in what used to be the cereal cupboard. Though there were a few shredded wheats, I decided to nab a few cheese crackers because the box was just right there. You know, implying that they'd JUST been put there and had to be fresh. Quick, cheesy, what the heck?

Since I have a problem with odd numbers, I consumed two of them at a time. The more I chewed, the more something seemed wrong. They were like square slivers of cardboard dipped in orange rat powder. When I looked at the box and saw "BEST BEFORE 05-18-83", I spewed. And man, three hours later I am still struggling to get that horrid taste out of my mouth.

Grandma, meanwhile, is in denial, making it clear to me that she hasn't even had that building since 1983. Grandpa chuckled quietly, like he usually does when he finds something amusing, for a good few minutes. Grandma told him to give them to the cats because that seems to be the solution with anything around there that closely resembles food. They do not waste; they dispose of all food or food-resembling products out the back door to the cats. I told her she needs to just chuck the cheddars because even the cats won't eat them, and if they do, she is likely to find 30 + dead critters on her doorstep.

I now return to the continuation of yesterday's picture posting that went awry:


Boba, husband of Ginkgo.

Steve and Boba: The Bad, Bad Leroy Brown Duo.


This? Any guesses?