God Bless Wal-Mart

I hate Wal-Mart.

For the past three years, I've engaged in more arguments with professors and colleagues about the economic ramifications of the so-called Super Wal-Mart invasion than probably necessary. Grumbling does no good, especially when I continue to shop there despite my vows to cease patronage. In fact, my Internet service is through Wal-Mart because I'm a stingy fool who is easily drawn to the measly $7.94 fee.

If there was actually a comparable option to Wal-Mart, I would definitely choose it. But, being in the middle of nowhere, there are no other stores that hold a candle to what Wal-Mart offers, cost-wise, location-wise, goods-wise, bank-wise. For instance, the same 12-pack of cola I normally purchase for $2.50 at Wal-Mart is $4.15 at a locally owned market that is about five to ten miles further out of the way. And as far as the "bank" thing, well...this is embarrassing, but from time to time I have to do the whole write-the-check-for-more-than-the-amount thing so I can receive cash back to keep my checkbook balanced. I went to another local store this evening to see about cashing a check for $7 and, though the place will gladly cash your $500 payroll check, they refuse to accept a personal check to myself. I ask the lady at the counter if she knows of any other place in town that will do this outside of the bank itself, and she gives me a nasty look and says, "Um, no." But I am all too familiar with the fact Wal-Mart will do this, so off I go.

Even Wal-Mart has their limits, though. One can write a check for a maximum of $20 over the amount of purchase. Tonight I discovered I was $27 short in the check book, so I decided to try two transactions. First, I went in the grocery side of Wal-Mart, got some necessities, and wrote the check for $20 over the amount. Then I went in the other entrance, got a couple of things I deliberately missed the first time in, and wrote a second check for $7 over the amount at a different register, thus giving me a total of $27 to then take down to the bank and deposit in my account to cover a check that might happen to go through tonight. Sounds sad, I know, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. It's the holidays, and though I've been spending money a few days before payday here lately, my checks do always clear. So, it's not like I'm embezzling or anything like that. Just legally covering my butt in times of need.

But back to Wal-Mart. Since it is the most reasonable store in the area, it is impossible to go in with the expectation of not running into half the town, half of which you'd rather not see. The bank closed at 5pm; at 4:45pm I found myself having a conversation with a friend from high school, two carts back from me in line--which means we're literally yelling over people's heads. I felt rude and tried to keep it to a minimum, but she was pretty intent on telling me about her impending divorce. So after I checked out with diapers, Snickers, and $7, I ran back real quick-like and told her I'd call tonight to get the details. Prior to running into her, I saw 2 uncles, 1 aunt, 3 cousins, a former neighbor, a parent of a friend, a couple of teachers, and some former co-workers. You can't just get your business done and be gone at Wal-Mart.

Oh yeah. And though slightly irrelevant, I have to express my utter disdain for dawdlers on cell phones. I was making pretty good time on my first trip through, but this sixty something woman on a cell phone mosies into the express lane in front of me. She has half a cart of groceries, whereas I have apple juice, laundry detergent, and peanut butter. Nonetheless, as I'm right on her heels (invading her personal bubble, as some may say), she meanders in front of me at less than a snail's pace as if she can't decide if she really wants to check out or not. But she's yapping the whole time. Finally, I drop my items down on the counter before she has a chance to unload her groceries, and I sigh. Oblivious to everything and everyone around her, she starts to unload her half-cart. THEN, as she's still on the phone, she motions for the clerk to wait on her while she wraps up her conversation.

On the second trip in, I once again got caught behind a Slow-Mo Motorola Mama. There's no passing these folks, because they're usually so engrossed in their conversations that they fail to realize they're taking up half an aisle or two. To make matters worse, though, I knew this woman because her daughter threatened to kill me once because her girlfriend had a crush on me and was bringing me gifts at my place of employment. I don't mess with these people. They are as redneck as they come, I tell you. But it all goes back to not being able to go in without running into everybody, their brother, and their baby's daddy.

Even more disturbing is my naive realization that Wal-Mart omits "Merry Christmas" in their advertisements and such. I don't know how long this has gone on, but it just came to my attention this year when I saw something about it in an editorial. This is perhaps the pinnacle of reasons why I want to boycott Wal-Mart and any other establishment that is trying to minimize Christmas. They can shove their "Happy Holidays" right up their draftiest corners.

Wal-Mart is a necessary evil, I suppose. It's excellent for the here and now for consumers, but in the long run, the American dream of owning one's own business will become a mere memory. They say Wal-Mart creates jobs, but so does McDonald's, and we know that throughout history, "Do you want to flip burgers at McDonald's for the rest of your life?" has become a phrase used as a scare tactic for potential high school dropouts. Somewhere along the line I'm almost sure it will become, "Do you want to stock shelves at Wal-Mart for the rest of your life?" Don't get me wrong, I respect the folks who do it, but how can people sustain a living on $6.25 an hour with no insurance?